Is Stoicism about the Mastery of Detachment?

Detachment in the context of Stoicism is more about letting go of judgment rather than a complete disinterest in the world. Loving a person and not the behavior, while recognizing that their actions might not align with your expectations, is a key aspect. Embracing the idea that life moves on without a right or wrong is what allows for a peaceful coexistence, living and letting live.

A Personal Perspective on Stoicism

Stoicism played a significant role in my life, especially influenced by my father who was a Stoic Mennonite and a WWII Navy veteran. His stories about Marcus Aurelius were a formative part of my childhood. I remember the serious yet lighthearted tone in his voice, as he shared life lessons that even young children could understand. His experiences during the war highlighted his passion for defending his country, and his Stoic principles discouraged strong emotional attachments, emphasizing the importance of inner peace and control.

The True Nature of Stoic Detachment

While it may seem that Stoics display a level of detachment, this is a misunderstanding. Stoics do care deeply about things, but they focus on controllable aspects of life, such as their own decisions and actions. One classic example is the reaction to a cheating spouse. A non-Stoic might react with anger, betrayal, and self-doubt, but a Stoic would feel disappointment. The Stoic would understand that the person they believe was their partner is actually a stranger to them, and this realization brings an unexpected clarity.

Embracing Disappointment

The disappointment does not stem from betrayal but from a misapprehension. When it dawns on a Stoic that someone they thought they were close to is not, they see it as a metaphorical awakening. It’s like realizing that a beloved character from a book is actually a fictional creation, and so is the relationship imagined with them. The Stoic would say, “Oh, well, that’s disappointing,” and move on without seizing on the negative emotions.

Conversely, a truly detached person would not move on from such a situation but would instead resign themselves to a situation they had no control over. Stoics, on the other hand, prioritize their own happiness and well-being, understanding that they have the power to shape their own destiny, rather than blaming others for their circumstances.

The Role of Zen in Stoicism

While my father’s teachings were primarily Stoic, my teacher introduced me to Zen and the concept of detachment in a different, complementary light. Zen Buddhism, while influential, is not without controversy for my teacher, who viewed Zen practitioners as sometimes lacking proper ethical constraints. Interestingly, Tao Te Ching also aligns with some of the foundational principles of Zen, offering further insights into the nature of detachment and self-control.

Practicing Detachment in Daily Life

To truly embrace the art of detachment, one can seek solace in nature, as depicted in the scene by the Myakka River. Spending time in nature, away from the clutter of urban life, can provide a calming influence that facilitates inner peace. My loyal and honest dog, Gwuff, and I often find ourselves at the river, simply sitting and observing the flow of the water. This practice mirrors the Stoic principle of focusing on what can be controlled and allowing the rest to take its natural course.

Conclusion

Stoicism, when properly understood, is about more than mere detachment. It is about mastering the ability to let go of judgment, focus on what can be controlled, and find inner peace in both joy and disappointment. Embracing these principles not only enriches one’s personal life but also contributes positively to one's social interactions and overall well-being.