Reflections on Past Bullying: How Are They Now?
Recently, while dealing with the grief of my mother's death, I've been revisiting the past and confronting the lingering pain from childhood. Two particular individuals from my elementary school days were major sources of that pain. In this article, I will reflect on both of these bullies, their current state, and how it affects me in the present day.
My First Bully: The Sociopathic Abuser
The first bully, a year and a half older than me, was part of a clique at my elementary school. She bullied me relentlessly starting in the fourth grade. My mother began taking my younger brother and me to her grandmother's daycare, where this bully lived and was notoriously spoiled. This bully would abuse the children, particularly forcing them to eat dog feces if they refused to comply with her demands. She would often intentionally sneeze into my cereal bowl at breakfast as a malicious act of torment.
It was heartbreaking when she fabricated a false story about a paperboy attempting something sexual, leading to him being questioned by the police. She also exposed herself to men on the construction site next to her home, hoping to lure them into sexual misconduct and getting them in trouble. More chillingly, she sexually abused me, a fact that revealed her to be a full-blown sociopath enjoying the power she held over others and deriving pleasure from their pain.
Over the years, this bully faced a series of legal troubles. She was incarcerated for credit card theft in the 1980s. She also had a long history of divorces and was committing insurance fraud, filing frequent false claims about damage to her home or car. However, amid her criminal history, she eventually managed to turn her life around, moving to a small town, getting married, and building a family. People around her seemed to love her, and she even had children and grandchildren. Despite this transformation, I struggle to forgive her, especially considering her past actions.
She passed away in 2012 from cancer, and I feel a mix of emotions. While she is no longer here to cause harm, the trauma I experienced has left an indelible mark on my life. I hope someday I can find forgiveness and peace.
My Second Bully: The Sixth Grade Avalanche
My second bully was another elementary school student who was my age. From the first grade through sixth grade, she terrorized nearly everyone in the class. I tried to steer clear of her, but in the sixth grade, someone told her I had said something about her, and as a result, she cornered me after school, beat me up, and kicked me in the face a few times. The emotional and physical pain she caused was incredible. A few months later, I began to experience strange lights in my vision, leading to a retinal detachment and partial blindness. Although it's still unclear if her actions directly caused my condition, I can't help but wonder if there is a connection.
The aftermath of this incident fueled my resentment for many years. I held on to these feelings until recently, when I discovered that this bully was still alive. She appeared on local news in the 1990s, claiming to have AIDS and that she was going to die soon, encouraging people to love and forgive. I assumed she must have passed away a long time ago, but my research revealed she was still living, surrounded by a loving family and children. Unlike the first bully, there was no evidence of criminal charges being filed against her. Perhaps she had a troubled childhood and learned abusive behavior from someone else, or perhaps she has genuinely changed and grown as a human being.
While I am not yet ready to forgive her, I know that holding onto this anger and pain is only hurting me. I plan to work on letting go of the past and finding a path to forgiveness.
In conclusion, revisiting and reflecting on these painful memories has given me the opportunity to understand the complexities of human behavior. While it may be challenging to forgive, doing so is crucial for my own emotional wellbeing. It is never too late to find peace, even when it seems that the person who caused you harm has moved on with their life.