Observing Our Children's Unique Qualities: A Journey of Curiosity and Understanding

As children grow, it's easy to fall into the trap of making assumptions about their personalities. However, by adopting an attitude of curiosity, we can truly see and appreciate the unique individuals they are becoming. This article explores the importance of observing, questioning, and understanding our children, highlighting the benefits of cultivating a meaningful relationship with them as they navigate their paths in life.

Challenging Old School Ideas

When I was growing up, my parents, like many others, had certain old-school ideas about children and their roles in the family. While they aimed to improve on their own upbringing, they still carried some legacy beliefs. For instance, I and my sister were often referred to collectively as 'the kids' or 'the girls,' and my mother occasionally mixed up our names, inadvertently highlighting her forgetfulness. As a result, I often felt that my individuality was overlooked, and my unique qualities were not truly appreciated.

Embracing Individuality in Modern Parenting

With my own children, I made a conscious decision to see them as individuals rather than just as extensions of myself or my parents. To achieve this, I challenged myself to pay close attention to what my children say, do, and how they behave. Instead of falling into a trap of the "who's your favorite" challenge, I decided to focus on listing the unique qualities that I admired in each of them. This practice not only helped me understand my children better but also made them feel valued for who they truly are.

The Power of Questions and Observation

Being curious and asking questions can open up new dimensions in understanding our children. I often start with basic ice-breaker questions, similar to those I might ask a stranger. By doing so, I can uncover surprising insights about their thoughts, emotions, and interests. One such conversation with my 13-year-old daughter about her earliest memories led to a fascinating discussion about her YouTube habits. Similarly, when my 17-year-old son started considering his future career, I was able to validate his interest in working with nature, animals, and plants, further narrowing down his career options based on his childhood experiences.

Observing Through Everyday Interactions

To truly see our children for who they are, we need to observe them in various aspects of their lives. Paying attention to the toys they choose, the activities that capture their interest, and their emotional well-being can provide invaluable clues about their personality traits. For example, I could tell that my son had a natural aptitude for working with plants and animals by observing the toys he picked out during his childhood and the activities that fascinated him. I also listened to him as he navigated the challenges of social anxiety and found friends who shared his interests, all of which contributed to my understanding of who he is.

Validating and Supporting Their Interests

By validating our children's interests and validating who they are, we can help them develop a strong sense of self and confidence. Over the years, I've noticed that when I engaged with my children in these ways, it not only strengthened our bond but also helped them feel appreciated. Even though they sometimes still ask who their favorites are, the conversation has evolved into a playful way to seek validation, rather than a source of tension or insecurity.

Conclusion: Growing Together Through Curiosity

Being a curious parent is about more than just observing your children; it's about cultivating a deep, meaningful relationship with them. It's about embracing their unique qualities and supporting their growth into the amazing individuals they are meant to be. Whether you are a stay-at-home parent or a working parent, the principles of curiosity and observation can guide you in understanding your children and nurturing their development. By growing together, we create a foundation of trust and support that will serve them well throughout their lives.