How to Support a Parent Denying Dementia: A Guide for Adult Children
Supporting a parent who is dementia or Alzheimer's denied by them can be incredibly challenging. This is a personal story that outlines strategies for dealing with a parent who refuses to acknowledge their condition. I faced these challenges when my mother, who recently passed away, was living with dementia.
Understanding the Initial Denial
My mother was one of those who initially did not recognize that anything was wrong. She claimed that she was just getting forgetful. Of course, when we recognized the signs of Alzheimer's, she did not want to believe it. I tried discussing the issue with her, but it was of no use. Eventually, I decided to move in with her to help her care for herself. Moving in with my mother allowed her to stay in her home and pass away there while ensuring her safety.
It is not uncommon for individuals in the early stages of dementia to deny that anything is wrong. They may feel that they are losing their mind and begin to experience anxiety and anger due to their symptoms. The best thing to do is to love and support them while acknowledging that they will soon be gone.
Steps When Denial is Present
If you are unable to live with your parent or if no one else can, consider hiring a nurse to stay with them. If this is unaffordable, a specialized care home is an option to ensure their safety.
My experience taught me that staying with my mother and helping her through the hard times was the most significant blessing. I was able to see her safely to the end of her life, an experience I would never trade for anything. However, it is crucial to stay patient and understanding, especially when they may not be themselves. My mother sometimes behaved like a child or became difficult, but with patience, we were able to help her.
Not Everyone Sees the Signs of Dementia
Not everyone recognizes the signs of dementia early on. My journey is unique, as I saw my mother exhibit what I called "lazy brain syndrome" after she recovered from a hit of brain damage. I questioned her to make her think, similar to how I helped my grandmother with her dementia.
My mother eventually showed signs of dementia when she was on dialysis. Her cognitive function improved when she was off dialysis, demonstrating that her initial symptoms could have been related to her health condition. Even so, I had to eventually place my mother in a nursing home because I could no longer care for her alone and she could not afford additional help. I visited her every day except Sunday and attended all her doctor's appointments.
The nursing home I chose for my mother was very reputable. However, the nursing staff found my behavior concerning, as I continued to argue with my mother to think things through. They reported my concerns to the social worker, who reprimanded me for the arguments. Eventually, they understood that I was doing everything I could to keep my mother alive and at home. The staff continued to watch me but ceased raising their eyebrows as often after I helped my mother think correctly.
Continuous Support and Understanding
Supporting a parent with dementia involves ongoing patience and understanding. Their behavior, although difficult, is often a result of the disease, not their true selves. It is essential to ensure that you also take care of your own well-being while caring for them. If you cannot provide full-time care, visit them as often as possible to prevent future regret.
Every family's situation is unique, and the strategies you use will depend on your specific circumstances. By remaining patient and understanding, you can provide the best support for both you and your parent during this challenging time.